Are We There Yet?

The visit with mama was wonderful. Although it wasn't like a real visit (due to her attempting to do every chore until she crashed), all three of us had a lot of fun spending time together once we were all home.


The nursery paint was bought, groceries, gas, odds-and-ends for the house and baby, and she cleaned up our house, did the laundry (for both Miles, Bella and I) and every night either made dinner or ordered one. We were definitely immensely spoiled by her presence, let alone her and dad's insane generosity.

During her stay I had two doctor's appointments. Funny enough the day before it decided to snow so Miles had the day off. Mama went with me to the first appointment which was just a generic check-up with Dr. Buehner. To my complete gratification I was released from my strict bed-rest restrictions unto a less strict bed-rest. I'm allowed to go out to church, run out to get necessities (like milk, toilet paper) and even do little things around the house. This means, yes, I can DUST! Haha. I am fine with leaving Miles to the vacuuming, some dinner making, and other more physical things as my physical abilities are limited by the mere presence of Bella's constant squirming or a contraction.

By week 36 (which, according to my LMP [last menstrual period] March 4th calculations is next Wednesday) Dr. Buehner will take me off of my medication. At that point Bella will be healthy enough to deliver so if she decides to come out any time between week 36 and week 39, she's more than free to. However, due to the disagreement Dr. Buehner and I have about the EDD (expected due date), I won't be off the medicine until what I consider to be week 37.

Why am I so adamanet about going against my own OB/GYN, whom I am quite grateful to have, when it comes to my EDD? Well, because Miles and I wanted this baby. I tracked my ovulation, the days of my periods, took pre-natals before even conceiving and watched for conception to take place like a scientific hawk. I know exactly when I ovulated, and probably could tell you the day she was conceived. Regardless of this, his week 8 ultrasound showed our baby Bella to be slightly less than my own calculations and thus he surmised she was about 6 or 6.5 weeks. At first I was okay with this because he is, in fact, the doctor. When we learned of Bella having Down syndrome, upon my research I realized that children born with Down syndrome are from conception always developmentally slower and smaller. Due to this, it is unlikely that she would ever or will ever measure comparably to children without Down syndrome -- which is what he measured by at the 8 week ultrasound. By this, I am most confident that I am right. Now... it wouldn't matter much except I need to opt for a scheduled C-section which is preferably done at week 38 or 39. If he and I are a week apart in calculations, this means that if I am correct the C-section will be done by week 39 or 40.

That is when I constantly ask my doctor, "So if she decides to come early, what will be done?" I'm consoled by the fact that by week 36 Bella will be allowed out into the world.


Later that day, Miles and I visited Dr. Spangler, Bella's pediatric cardiologist. He confirmed that she does have AV defect and talked to us more about how we are to go about getting her open heart surgery scheduled. Unfortunately we will have to wait for a few weeks after birth and wait and see different signs for her to be, well, immediately worked on. These signs scare me a bit, like heart failure, sweating/chills, inability or loss of interest in feeding properly. When we see these signs, he will immediately get us into the Omaha Children's Hospital for which Bella will receive her surgery then. This means we have no idea when it will happen. If she never shows these signs, then it must be done by the 2-month mark. We've warned both families that it could possibly interfere with their pre-arranged and paid plans to come visit her in Rapid City. They've all agreed to just hop in a car (rented or borrowed) and drive to Omaha with us as we wait for Bella to heal. *sigh*

Now that mama is gone, I'm a tad lonely. I was used to having her around in the day time. Whether it was us bickering like mother and daughter over how to fold a t-shirt, or me in an electronic shopping cart chasing her in Target, we had a lot of fun. Plus, being on a very mild bed-rest means that even if I am capable, I'm not supposed to be out a lot (which is how I previously got my "social fix") and had mama there to be with me.

Things that still need to be done before Bella's arrival include: putting in the car seat, painting the nursery, packing my hospital bag, ordering and putting together the glider, setting up shelving in the nursery, buying a toy box, and... I'm sure there's more, lol.

I'm panicking. There's no doubt. I want Bella out right this very moment, but when I really think about it I become entirely too anxious for my own good. Between thinking about the possibility of contractions that actually cause pain, a spinal block (I hate needles -- yes, despite the tattoos), and the healing from a C-section I almost become sick with fear of the pain. Truly though, I don't want her to be inside me much longer. I can handle it, but in honesty, I don't want to lol. I'm not sure whether or not she'll decide to come early (I don't want to think about it), and Miles insists that she will be here before Thanksgiving. Then I think of what needs to be done. Then I think of the possible pain. Then I think of the healing and then I think of having to wait for Bella to produce symptoms bad enough to cause her to go into nearly immediate surgery.
Despite it all though, I can't wait to hold our first baby in my arms and coo, and sing, and play, and giggle with her. Indeed I feel like I keep looking to my ever-growing-too-large-belly and asking, "Are we there yet?"